I cannot believe that it has been about 2 years since my last post. The reason why it has been 2 years is quite compelling, you see, I was completing my training in Critical Care and this past June I finished and I am now an Intensivist, also known as a Specialist in Critical Care.

It took me, 13 years from the time that I came up with the concept of going to medical school to follow a dream to completing my training and becoming an Attending.

I now work for a group that specializes in Intensive Care and I go to 4 hospitals. Not in one day of course, but rather I am credentialed at 4 hospitals and go where I am scheduled to. Two of the hospitals have residents there already and that is great because I enjoy teaching and it keeps me on my toes about the material. The third hospital will be getting residents next year, which hopefully means that I will be on faculty and be involved in the developement of the program. The fourth hospital does not have residents and that is fine.

The days of my sleeping in the hospital because I am on call are pretty much done. I come home every night, which my girls love, but the days that I do work I am on call from home. This can mean multiple phone calls at night or no phone calls at night. Of course, if there is an issue I will go to the hospital but that is usually few and far between.

It feels so nice to be able to wake up in the morning and enjoy going to work. I do nto have that feeling of dread that I used to experience knowing that I was going to work the next day. I don't have stress that I am going to be in work environment that I do not like. The stress that I do have is quite significant though. I mean, it is the stress at the end of the day thinking about the critical patients and wondering if I missed something. Or was I on the right track with my diagnosis, or could I have done something more aggressive, was I too aggressive and the patient was suffering when the best thing was to let them go, did we try to resuscitate long enough and if so, what kind of brain damage is there going to be, will this family or the patient sue me because they did not like the outcome even though the patient was sick beyond bringing them back. All of these thoughts are important because there is an epidemic of physician suicide in this country and these stressors are why.

The practice I joined is great because they are taking over from fellowship and continuing my training. Learning how to really run an ICU, aspects of billing and coding that I was never taught, being a mentor to younger doctors.

At the end of the day, I did not want to live with regret. So I bet, and I hit the jackpot. I put my family through a large financial burden but it is paying off now. In more ways than one. I hope to be able to blod more, but this depends on the schedule. I will also try to Vlog more. Again, depends on the schedule.

A couple of weeks to go

I cannot believe that there are only 2.5 weeks to go before I take my boards. I have been studying like a mad man and yet it never feels like it is enough. I know that I have the knowledge and the studying is helping me stir the brain and get the material out. However, I seem to have 1 issue that no amount of studying can help with.......

I have to STOP changing my answers!!!!!! For the love of G-D, my first instinct has been correct more often than not, yet I seem to second guess myself because I over think things when I review the questions. I even wrote a note on my note book: STOP CHANGING YOUR ANSWERS!!!!!!

Any way. That will happen from now on. I have been reviewing my practice tests and have been ensuring that I answer the questions correctly for the right reasons. I am sure that I will do fine. In the meantime, I have scheduled 3 residency interviews for October and I hope that once I get my board scores back and they are acceptable that I will receive more. I am limited by geography because we have planted roots in the South Jersey area and do not want to move. So I applied to programs that are about an hour away.

We are entering my favorite time of year. The Fall and the 'ber months (September, October, you get it) and I cannot wait for the weather to get cool and we can sleep with the windows open (I do anyway, except in the summer) and can smell the leaves on the ground and the nights come sooner. Then one of my favorite holidays will be upon us; Thanksgiving. This year it will be at my parents' house which is great because frankly, my wife and I are beat. From having my schedule and a new baby we are spent. And then for the first time in probably 2 years we are actually going to be home for Chanukah.

Things are progressing nicely. Although it would have been much much easier had I done it right the first time. Funny thing. In my last rotation, one of the Attending Doctors and I were in the same Dorm during freshman year in college. She on the 4th floor and I on the 2nd floor. So if I did things right the first time, then I would have been an Attending by now. However, I believe that things happen for a reason. I am sure that I have said it before but I will say it again. I was so unfocused when I was in college that had I been accepted to medical school I may have well failed and then I would be without recourse to be a doctor. Now that I am older, I am more focused, probably because I not only have matured but I have worked hard to get here and have even more to loose if I do fail. Funny thing is that many patients think that I am 26 years old. The last thing they believe is that I am 36, a husband, and father of 4.

This week was back to school for my kids. Even little Amy is going to the babysitter. Here is a picture of them on the first day.